We all strive to be liked by others. Even if they don't become our friends, we still want to be liked. It's not a lot of fun to go through life knowing that someone doesn't like you for something you did or didn't do, or even just for who you are.
This section is going to be some helpful hints and guidelines on how to be a better friend and how to be a like-able person.
This is an amazing book to read through and it gives lots of examples. It's a REALLY old book and some of the stories may seem outdated to you. I'm sure that you could relate those stories to something that's going on in your own life.
But here are the main points of the book for you and some helpful hints at how to use them in your own life.
This section is going to be some helpful hints and guidelines on how to be a better friend and how to be a like-able person.
This is an amazing book to read through and it gives lots of examples. It's a REALLY old book and some of the stories may seem outdated to you. I'm sure that you could relate those stories to something that's going on in your own life.
But here are the main points of the book for you and some helpful hints at how to use them in your own life.
The Basic Building Blocks to Make People Like You
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person's name is to them the sweetest and most important sound.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person's name is to them the sweetest and most important sound.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.
Smile
A genuine smile is like a virus. It spreads like wildfire and makes a huge impact on how people feel ...especially you.
The key to a genuine smile is practice. Which means looking at yourself in the mirror and practicing. I have run into many people who forgot to tell their face to show that they are smiling. Practice ...it'll at least be a bit entertaining to you.
The best story I know to describe this practice of smiling is The Magic of Smiles.
A genuine smile is like a virus. It spreads like wildfire and makes a huge impact on how people feel ...especially you.
The key to a genuine smile is practice. Which means looking at yourself in the mirror and practicing. I have run into many people who forgot to tell their face to show that they are smiling. Practice ...it'll at least be a bit entertaining to you.
The best story I know to describe this practice of smiling is The Magic of Smiles.
What are THEY interested in?
Everyone's favorite topic to talk about is themselves. If you want to become the greatest person they know, just listen to them talk. Be truly interested in what they are saying. Make eye contact. Don't be doing anything else while they are talking to you. These steps all let the other person know that they are worth your time and are valuable.
This also explains why everyone's favorite word is their own name. If you don't believe that, just think of a time when someone said your name wrong. I know that I do that to others on a regular basis because I meet so many different kids and I don't get to see everyone on a regular basis but that just means I need to step up my game.
Everyone's favorite topic to talk about is themselves. If you want to become the greatest person they know, just listen to them talk. Be truly interested in what they are saying. Make eye contact. Don't be doing anything else while they are talking to you. These steps all let the other person know that they are worth your time and are valuable.
This also explains why everyone's favorite word is their own name. If you don't believe that, just think of a time when someone said your name wrong. I know that I do that to others on a regular basis because I meet so many different kids and I don't get to see everyone on a regular basis but that just means I need to step up my game.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Show respect for the other man's opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way
- Get the other person saying "yes.yes" immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Dramatize your ideas.
- Throw down a challenge.
Let's take a moment to flesh out a few of those steps that are not self-explanatory.
2, 6, 7, 8, 9 All have to do with the other person's thoughts and ideas.
It goes back to being a good listener. If people feel listened to and their thoughts appreciated, they will be more willing to listen to your ideas.
No one likes being told that they are wrong. Even if they're wrong. Think about the last time that you were told that you were wrong. It hurts.
If you allow the other person to be heard, they will be willing to listen to your thoughts as well. It's such a simple thing to do that will make the biggest difference in the world. Listen ...actively listen... to the other person and practice using the Mirroring Technique from the Conflict Resolution page.
If you are dealing with a Melancholy or a Choleric personality (see the Personality page), allowing them to think the idea is there's will guarantee that they are on board. This skill takes some mastery and lots of practice because we all want our way and to have our idea be the best. Leading the conversation in a way to allow the other person come to the conclusion that you want them to come to takes some time and patience.
It goes back to being a good listener. If people feel listened to and their thoughts appreciated, they will be more willing to listen to your ideas.
No one likes being told that they are wrong. Even if they're wrong. Think about the last time that you were told that you were wrong. It hurts.
If you allow the other person to be heard, they will be willing to listen to your thoughts as well. It's such a simple thing to do that will make the biggest difference in the world. Listen ...actively listen... to the other person and practice using the Mirroring Technique from the Conflict Resolution page.
If you are dealing with a Melancholy or a Choleric personality (see the Personality page), allowing them to think the idea is there's will guarantee that they are on board. This skill takes some mastery and lots of practice because we all want our way and to have our idea be the best. Leading the conversation in a way to allow the other person come to the conclusion that you want them to come to takes some time and patience.
5 Is the start to learning the "win-win" principle. The faster and more often you get a person saying "yes", the better chance that they will continue to say "yes". Because it feels good to say "yes", give it a try. When you can set up the options to be a win for the other person and a win for you, everyone is willing to give it their all and make the best of the situation.
11 Drama! The average person does not like negative drama but they do love to be involved in something exciting. People like to be involved in fun and exciting things that cause positive change in the world. If you can use the "language" of the Sanguine, it will make your idea sound a lot more exciting.
Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other man save his face.
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Have you ever wanted to say something to someone but the words that ran through your head scream, "This is going to start a fight," or "They are going to take this the wrong way," or "That will get me into trouble." And then some of you personality types will say it anyway because they should be strong enough to take it because it's the truth. But some of these other personality types just can't handle the truth the way you want to say it.
If you want to correct someone, the best way to do it is not to draw attention to them. Go up to them and calmly and quietly have a conversation with them. Ask lots of questions. The third "why" usually gets you the truth behind the choice they made.
Another great way to point out something that needs to be corrected is to tell a story. Especially if it's a true story of something that happened to you. People love to know that they are not the only ones out there going through these difficult choices. This gives them the opportunity to save face. If you tell a story with a solution attached to it, they can then go and put that solution into effect in their own lives without drawing unwanted embarrassment upon them.
Most people will do anything you ask if you make it sound like their idea. Now this is to be used for good and not evil. There are some personality types who will not do anything without a fight unless it is their idea. But to get people on your side and giving the activity or problem their all, make it feel like it's their idea. It works for resolving conflicts as well. If you can get someone to think of a way to solve the issue on their own, maybe give them a few suggestions of the right words to say or actions to take, it will make the resolution feel that much less stressful.
This point is my favorite and it works wonders...see them as they were designed to be. If you speak to people as how you want them to be, they will want to live up to that level of greatness because no on likes letting someone they respect down. It's the philosophy of Speak Life. Encourage them, tell others how wonderful they are (when they're present and when they're not), and let them know the greatness you see in them.
If you want to correct someone, the best way to do it is not to draw attention to them. Go up to them and calmly and quietly have a conversation with them. Ask lots of questions. The third "why" usually gets you the truth behind the choice they made.
Another great way to point out something that needs to be corrected is to tell a story. Especially if it's a true story of something that happened to you. People love to know that they are not the only ones out there going through these difficult choices. This gives them the opportunity to save face. If you tell a story with a solution attached to it, they can then go and put that solution into effect in their own lives without drawing unwanted embarrassment upon them.
Most people will do anything you ask if you make it sound like their idea. Now this is to be used for good and not evil. There are some personality types who will not do anything without a fight unless it is their idea. But to get people on your side and giving the activity or problem their all, make it feel like it's their idea. It works for resolving conflicts as well. If you can get someone to think of a way to solve the issue on their own, maybe give them a few suggestions of the right words to say or actions to take, it will make the resolution feel that much less stressful.
This point is my favorite and it works wonders...see them as they were designed to be. If you speak to people as how you want them to be, they will want to live up to that level of greatness because no on likes letting someone they respect down. It's the philosophy of Speak Life. Encourage them, tell others how wonderful they are (when they're present and when they're not), and let them know the greatness you see in them.
Rules For Making a Happier Home
- Don't nag.
- Don't try to make someone else over.
- Don't criticize.
- Give honest appreciation.
- Pay little attentions.
- Be courteous.
- Read a good book to help you become a better person.
These steps are pretty self-explanatory.
No one likes to be nagged. Incase you don't know what being nagged is ...it is when someone asks you again and again and again to do something. It usually happens when they think the activity is important and you don't. The best way to keep you from being a nag is to make sure that the other person knows why you're excited about this activity and why they should play their part in the activity.
No one likes people trying to change them. And, you cannot change anyone. The only way people will ever change is if they want to make the change. They have to want to. It goes back to it being their idea.
No one likes to be criticized. No one likes to be told what they are doing wrong. People will listen to ways to improve if you have a relationship of trust with them already.
People love to be appreciated. People love to be noticed for everything little thing that they do. People are filled with joy when you thank them for the things they do, no matter how small the activity.
Being polite is a huge thing that we all need to learn and work on every day. There are some days that it's more challenging than others but that's when the leader shines. If you can be polite and courteous to people who aren't polite to you is a real sign of a true leader.
Reading is what makes a leader. Learning from problems and successes of others is the easiest way to learn any lesson. Not having to go through the hardships because you learned from someone else going through them is just smart.
No one likes to be nagged. Incase you don't know what being nagged is ...it is when someone asks you again and again and again to do something. It usually happens when they think the activity is important and you don't. The best way to keep you from being a nag is to make sure that the other person knows why you're excited about this activity and why they should play their part in the activity.
No one likes people trying to change them. And, you cannot change anyone. The only way people will ever change is if they want to make the change. They have to want to. It goes back to it being their idea.
No one likes to be criticized. No one likes to be told what they are doing wrong. People will listen to ways to improve if you have a relationship of trust with them already.
People love to be appreciated. People love to be noticed for everything little thing that they do. People are filled with joy when you thank them for the things they do, no matter how small the activity.
Being polite is a huge thing that we all need to learn and work on every day. There are some days that it's more challenging than others but that's when the leader shines. If you can be polite and courteous to people who aren't polite to you is a real sign of a true leader.
Reading is what makes a leader. Learning from problems and successes of others is the easiest way to learn any lesson. Not having to go through the hardships because you learned from someone else going through them is just smart.
How To Get The Most Out Of A Book
- Want to master the principles you'll find inside.
- Read each chapter twice. Once to understand what the author is trying to say. Second to digest the information.
- Stop frequently as you read and ask how you can apply it. (Take notes as you do this.)
- Underline ...only if it's your own book. Otherwise, take notes while you read ...it makes the ideas yours.
- Review the book each month until you know exactly where the important info is located.
- Apply the principles you learned from it. Great opportunity to pass on the knowledge that you have learned.
- Make a game out of following/failing the principle that you want to perfect.
- Check each week on your progress of learning the info. Accountability is your friend ...forever.
- Keep a diary/log of how and when you used the principle.
The key to reading something that you want to learn from and not just be entertained by is listed above. At least these are some basic steps. I have read quite a few books on how to read a book well because they were suggested to me by people I trust and respect. I am not going to ask you to read a book on how to read a book. I am going to ask you to try and apply the lessons you read as soon as you read them. That means that every lesson you read here, you should try applying. And another key is to come back and reread and do it again. You will be amazed at how the same words can change as you learn and grow in your life.
To Sum It All Up
It's a hard thing to make friends. It's even harder to keep them.
You may think that it's a piece of cake here in 5th grade but you are about to go into a larger school where there are a whole lot of people that you don't know yet. They will be using the first 30 seconds to judge you and your character. That includes the students as well as the teachers and other adults that help make that school run.
I know that you want to put your best foot forward and that you want to make an amazing first impression on everyone.
I know that you don't want to be fake and that you want to be true to yourself.
I want you to be the best you that you can be.
There are amazing opportunities ahead of you. Being your best means making the most of them. You never know where you will find your passion, your drive, that thing that lights the spark in you and you know that is what you were designed to do.
Keep your integrity. Build your character. Show them who you really are.
It's a hard thing to make friends. It's even harder to keep them.
You may think that it's a piece of cake here in 5th grade but you are about to go into a larger school where there are a whole lot of people that you don't know yet. They will be using the first 30 seconds to judge you and your character. That includes the students as well as the teachers and other adults that help make that school run.
I know that you want to put your best foot forward and that you want to make an amazing first impression on everyone.
I know that you don't want to be fake and that you want to be true to yourself.
I want you to be the best you that you can be.
There are amazing opportunities ahead of you. Being your best means making the most of them. You never know where you will find your passion, your drive, that thing that lights the spark in you and you know that is what you were designed to do.
Keep your integrity. Build your character. Show them who you really are.
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